Saturday, January 9, 2010

For You Mark F: In the Name of Love,Never mind,Who Cares,Right,Life is Just To Hurt,According to Your Tribe

drawings by marguerita

Dear Marguerita,

I feel your pain.

I read your last blog post and cried.

Long crocodile tears, as you know me well,

I can lie until the cows come home, nevertheless

I cannot be in touch with you due to my conduct towards you.
As you know I was and am in cohorts with bad people,who advise me
how to be self destructive and turn against you.
I am 62 and a half years old, trying to pass as much younger, have no self respect,thus not understanding what Life is about.
I drink beyond the acceptable, loose my self control, and allow the
losers be my guides.
I never was there for you.

When you need me I ignore you.

You need to calm down, do your artwork and eat.
I am speaking with
I did not behave properly.
For 25 years I did not realize that a marriage is a commitment that involves two people.
Now you are homeless, high and dry,as they say,
because I refuse to provide for you,
as much as you always helped me in every way you could. Or can.
I am never there with you.
I never even saw you as my wife, the mother of our two sons.
I just considered you as an ATM machine.
An indentured slave.
A doormat.
I like to show your artwork to whoever I can,only as a vaseline for my advantage.
To endear them.Smart,right?
Your art, for me means nothing.

I just look at its as Donald Duck seeing the $ sign.

Who you are as a woman, a companion,a sincere soul,ah!
Never even a thought ,about your feelings.
Who you are , your achievements.
How you devoted yourself to me and our sons, setting your art in the back burner.
For us. For ME.
Waiting for me, worrying about me.
And there I was,badmouthing you.
I like always to say: "The Grass Is Greener on The Other Side".....

Yes, my great friends, they just mock you.

And I stand by them.

Instead of having dinner with you ,sharing our lives,
seeing a movie, a play,be social,ah.......
I better follow the orders of my friends.
They are friends.Of course ,
they would never put up with the things I do with and to you.
Understand,they are friends.

I say,"why should I feed you?"
and go spend my time until the am with xyz...

I pushed you, Marguerita,
into the lions den all the time,
for my own needs.


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