Yes,the mind is a lonely hunter.
Reading throughout the years about Insects,their way of interacting,
and Humans, I enjoy to peep
into my books.(now in danger of being separated from me,which means a death threat to me) I will not allow.
.So,while I have lost so far within two weeks 10 pounds,out of my regular 117 pounds or less,due to the menacing threats of my landlord,who non stop is banging and buzzing the door,in the day and until 3 a.m,leaving me here in a state where I feel my bones flying out the closed windows and not eating,thanks to a neglectful husband for years.I meditate.
My son Stefan,is coming around.
My yonger,Jacob come by also.
All I want and need is peace Love,roof and food and a place to work on my art.
My art,runs in my veins and more stable then my own blood,which is filled with toxins.
I mystify my doctors ,who cannot understand how I endure so much pressure from outside,inside and within .
I love Life, I still have dreams and desires. Very grateful, for having an incredible mental and spiritual energy and intensity which carries me .
My senses are sharp,I have a joie de vivre, the same one ,my parents had.
There are two of me.My mind,spirit,soul and my frame,organs,bones and tissues.
My kidneys are about to stop. To continue alive I will need either dialysis or a kidney transplant.
I find in Edward O.Wilson's On Human Nature, parallels.I watch human behavior and draw upon that fountain of the absurd,maybe an inspiration for my art,for my unequivocal existence since my birth.
My feelings towards someone who has no understanding or able to absorb,who instead of sharing my thirst for grasping the marvel of living,resorts and forays into decay and the morbid.
I am at a loss.
From his denial to the marvels of existence, I brought to this world two sons.I battled for them to see them adults. I enjoy,that despite the turmoils and painful challenges,both are individuals,determined to be their own person, looking upon me to be the fortress and be at every crosspoint , the phoenix out of the fire and be able to fly.
I keep my radio on, as long as the utilities bill paid, the music turns me on ,particularly jazz.
As, O'Wilson writes,to address human behavior systematically is to make a potential topic of every corridor
in the labyrinth of the human mind, and hence to consider not just the social sciences but also the humanities, including philosophy and the process of scientific discovery itself.
Instead of observing the individual in question,who behaves in a self destructive mode, this one when caught,falls into an abysmal system,where emotions,feelings of the ones around or left behind are discounted and now the bureaucracy by the numbers escalates to match similar occurrences . Perhaps a dialogue to cleanse the dysfunctional mind of the perpetrator,which I must admit should be accountable for his actions.
" This qualification does not represent false modesty but instead is an attempt to maintain strength. The uncompromising application of evolutionary theory to all aspects of human existence will come to nothing if the scientific spirit itself falters, if ideas are not constructed so to be submitted to objective testing and hence made mortal.
How does the mind work, and beyond that why does it work in such a way and not another and from these two considerations together, what is man's ultimate nature?
This pursuit seems certain to generate great spiritual dilemmas."
We are not here o this Earth,forever.
We must all try to calm down and learn how to forgive and realize our fragility and ephemeral standing.
" The reflective person knows that life is in some incomprehensible manner guided through biological ontogeny, a more or less fixed order of life stages. He or she senses that with all the drive , wit, love, pride , anger,
hope, and anxiety that characterize the species he or she will in the end be sure only of helping to perpetuate the same cycle . Poets have defined this truth as tragedy.Yeats called it the coming of wisdom:
Though leaves are many, the root is one;
Through all the lying days of my youth
I swayed my leaves and flowers in the sun;
Now I may wither into the truth.
" Freud said that God has been guilty of a shoddy and uneven piece of work. That it is is true to a degree greater than he intended: human nature is just one hodgepodge out of many conceivable. Yet if even a small fraction of the diagnostic human traits were stripped away, the result would probably be a disabling chaos.
Sarava!
drawing by marguerita
