Of Betrayal,Child of Holocaust,Of Pain and Dreams and a Song in my Heart

drawing by marguerita

The Real World according to MF.

Never Forget,

Mark, I had a dream

that you destroyed.

Gone with the wind.

I will forever remember that.

That was also the

the book

my mother was

reading before

the war and she finished

while pregnant with me.

I nearly was named Scarlet.

How can I forget.

You were the family for me.

My only one.

ONE.

The man that is

my world,

my continent.

And you tore me apart.

We have two sons

I stopped everything for you

I lied, for you

I fought for you,

I did not care for anyone's

reproaches.

You are a part of me

my Sun,Moon and Stars

What are we all in this

Life,

If not passers by

what counts only is

passion and love

not wars and conflicts

not diamonds and

bling blings

that all can go

only love is permanent.

It is in my heart,

on my skin,my reason

to live.

My art comes from within,

runs in my blood,

it is my soul.

I always remember my mother telling

me how after being arrested by the

Nazi and brought to the Wavel Castle in Krakow,

she was on a line among thousands

of naked women,stripped naked

by the Nazi, her earrings

ripped of from

her earlobes, turquoise earrings

given to her by her grandmother,

those earrings ripped off from her earlobes,

her head shaved,

her arm tattooed,

and clothes that

did not fit her,

and then the Nazi

instructed her to

look in the mirror.

A beautiful woman, who had

a normal life,working to help

others, while studying at

Jagiellonski, Asian culture,

Confucius.

She was married

and her husband a lawyer,

one of the first murdered

when Hitler

invaded Poland.

Her father too and her mother

killed in Treblinka.

My mother was never able to find her brothers.

although she was told that

one was killed while flying for

the Polish Army.

I was born after the war.

In Sydney,Australia.

A beautiful country.

My parents left when I was four.

My father wanted to

find his brother in Rio,

in Brazil.

So with this in my mind

and the stories

my father would tell

me after his nightmares,

what else would I wish in life

if not only affection and Peace.

Peace in my life

and Peace in the world.

So, you Mark,

instead of giving me a hug,

a hug,

a hug with warmth and sincerity

you chose

to abandon me,

abandon our family,

neglect us.

Leave me in the dark

Get mad at me,

because I wanted you near me

to hold my hand.

Or as Tom Jobim's song

The Fundamental Thing

is to Dream a Dream together.

To love the man I chose to love

to hug me.

The homes that belong to my

parents,strangers

are living there.

I spent my life rootless,

as a branch of a tree

floating in space,

and now you left me homeless

and destitute.

I am a child of the Holocaust.

Alone.

I only had my two parents.

Mother and Father who come out

from the ashes.

They were beaten,starved,humiliated

They lost all their family,

all their assets,

their social status.

I never saw any of my cousins.

Of my grandmothers,

only two photos,

and one of my grandfather

and one of my uncle.

Beautiful people,

who loved,who cared.

My mother come out of Auschwitz with 36 kilos.

I grew up looking at the tattoo on her arm

I could not stand numbers.

My father come out of a gulag

in Kazaghstan.

Both loved life,

Both had joie de vivre

But we were

uprooted.

There was no place we belonged

to.

So we moved to Brazil.

We had to learn the language.

My father could not

work with the Nazi that were

all over.

We moved from here to there.

I watched my father

slowly through the years

Dying against his will.

My mother lived in stupor

She remembered always

the songs from Poland.

The history,

her life that was.

So, I as a little girl dreamed

of princes and castles.

I walked to school alone.

Many times did not have

money for food.

I started to work as a young girl.

In a country that women

did not.

I had always to fend for myself.

My father was dying.

He wanted me to be strong,

He warned me not to succumb.

I hear in my mind

the sound of his typewriter.

And my father died.

I went to Australia.

So now we were two.

My mother and I

We then went to Australia.

And three years

after enduring hardship

I succeeded.

My art always took me

places.

But I missed Brazil

and I returned

After I achieved success,

Brazil was under dictatorship

I come to America.

I come to work for the NYTimes

as a poltical cartoonist.

The country was

Not the place I was led to believe.

I had dreams like

in the Gershwin song

One day,

The Man I Love

To My Mark:Sonnets E.B.Browning

drawing/collage by marguerita

Sonnets from the Portuguese

I saw, in gradual vision through my

tears,

The sweet,sad years, the melancholy

years,. . .

Those of my own life, who by turns

had flung

A shadow across me. Straightway I

was 'ware

So weeping, how mystic Shape did

move

Behind me, and drew me backward

by the hair;

And a voice said in mastery while I

strove;. . .

" Guess now who holds thee?"-

"Death!" I said. But, there

The silver answer,. . . " Not Death.

but Love."

Elizabeth Barrett, an English poet of the Romantic Movement, was born in 1806 at Coxhoe Hall, Durham, England.

The oldest of twelve children, Elizabeth was the first in her family born in England in over two hundred years. For centuries, the Barrett family, who were part Creole, had lived in Jamaica, where they owned sugar plantations and relied on slave labor. Elizabeth's father, Edward Barrett Moulton Barrett, chose to raise his family in England, while his fortune grew in Jamaica. Educated at home, Elizabeth apparently had read passages from Paradise Lost and a number of Shakespearean plays, among other great works, before the age of ten. By her twelfth year she had written her first "epic" poem, which consisted of four books of rhyming couplets. Two years later, Elizabeth developed a lung ailment that plagued her for the rest of her life. Doctors began treating her with morphine, which she would take until her death. While saddling a pony when she was fifteen, Elizabeth also suffered a spinal injury. Despite her ailments, her education continued to flourish. Throughout her teenage years, Elizabeth taught herself Hebrew so that she could read the Old Testament; her interests later turned to Greek studies. Accompanying her appetite for the classics was a passionate enthusiasm for her Christian faith. She became active in the Bible and Missionary Societies of her church.

In 1826 Elizabeth anonymously published her collection An Essay on Mind and Other Poems. Two years later, her mother passed away. The slow abolition of slavery in England and mismanagement of the plantations depleted the Barrett's income, and in 1832, Elizabeth's father sold his rural estate at a public auction. He moved his family to a coastal town and rented cottages for the next three years, before settling permanently in London. While living on the sea coast, Elizabeth published her translation of Prometheus Bound (1833), by the Greek dramatist Aeschylus.

Gaining notoriety for her work in the 1830's, Elizabeth continued to live in her father's London house under his tyrannical rule. He began sending Elizabeth's younger siblings to Jamaica to help with the family's estates. Elizabeth bitterly opposed slavery and did not want her siblings sent away. During this time, she wrote The Seraphim and Other Poems (1838), expressing Christian sentiments in the form of classical Greek tragedy. Due to her weakening disposition she was forced to spend a year at the sea of Torquay accompanied by her brother Edward, whom she referred to as "Bro." He drowned later that year while sailing at Torquay and Elizabeth returned home emotionally broken, becoming an invalid and a recluse. She spent the next five years in her bedroom at her father's home. She continued writing, however, and in 1844 produced a collection entitled simply Poems. This volume gained the attention of poet Robert Browning, whose work Elizabeth had praised in one of her poems, and he wrote her a letter.

Elizabeth and Robert, who was six years her junior, exchanged 574 letters over the next twenty months. Immortalized in 1930 in the playThe Barretts of Wimpole Street, by Rudolf Besier (1878-1942), their romance was bitterly opposed by her father, who did not want any of his children to marry. In 1846, the couple eloped and settled in Florence, Italy, where Elizabeth's health improved and she bore a son, Robert Wideman Browning. Her father never spoke to her again. Elizabeth's Sonnets from the Portuguese, dedicated to her husband and written in secret before her marriage, was published in 1850. Critics generally consider the Sonnets—one of the most widely known collections of love lyrics in English—to be her best work. Admirers have compared her imagery to Shakespeare and her use of the Italian form to Petrarch.

Political and social themes embody Elizabeth's later work. She expressed her intense sympathy for the struggle for the unification of Italy in Casa Guidi Windows (1848-51) and Poems Before Congress(1860). In 1857 Browning published her verse novel Aurora Leigh, which portrays male domination of a woman. In her poetry she also addressed the oppression of the Italians by the Austrians, the child labor mines and mills of England, and slavery, among other social injustices. Although this decreased her popularity, Elizabeth was heard and recognized around Europe.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning died in Florence on June 29, 1861.

To my Father and My Struggle for Survival in Search of Tenderness & Affection

Today is a very sad day for me.

December 21, would have been my father's birthday.

He died on September 29th,1967.

I was 17 years old.

My destiny turned out to be an incredible path of challenges.

Since I was a little girl,I watched,my two parents,.

They were all the family I had .

I always had dreams that one day,besides my art,I would have a family.

I struggled through life, I achieved success at an early age,on my own, while taking care of my mother,as she would be my child.

Both after losing all,their families,their country,their social status,never lost their joie de vivre.

Both,imbued in me the sense of having moral fortitude and love for life and beauty.

Moreover,never to have anger. but to be always alert against injustice,

to own myself and speak out for human rights.

I stand by these beliefs and through my art,I try to bring a smile on someone's face and soul.

After all,to achieve inner peace,is to be able to see what life is about.

My mother,a descendant of the rabbinical dynasty of Akiva Eger,always reminded me of

his teachings and sense of humor.

To carry love in my heart,passion and a strong sense of humanity.

My parents witnessed how evil Man or Woman can be.

Life is not about possessions, not about competition,but to be humble and thoughtful about other people's feelings.

A sense of consciousness.

I was able to tape my mother's words ,years ago,when I began to write about her.

She was so beautiful in her old age,that I never even realized her real age.

One day Jane Lahr interviewed my mother.

She asked her how was her life before Auschwitz.

My mother ,Salomea Fleischer Lauer ,was a wealthy woman,from a well to do home,. She belonged to WIZO,devoted herself to help others who were in need,besides attending Asian studies at Jagiellonski University in Krakow.

She was married to Josef Lauer,a lawyer,who was murdered by the Nazi.

And all her family as well,her father one of the first to be shot by the Nazi,her mother Ita Seltzer, killed in Treblinka ,her brothers,and all her cousins,safe one. A family of more than ninety members all turned into ashes.

The same happened to my father's family.A prominent family,involved in Poland's social and industrial life.

Watching the pervading violence throughout the world,is a consequence , paraphrasing Balthus

the artist, who once said that Hitler opened the pandora box.

In 2004 when I visited Poland, met Teresa Swiebocka,the writer and Auschwitz curator

,we talked about Consciousness.

She gave me a few books, one of them remarkable, KL AUSCHWITZ SEEN BY THE SS.,the authors Rudolf Hoss,Pery Broad ,Johann Paul Kremer.

The sheer indifference for Life.

The greed and cruelty.

The song Louis Armstrong singing : What a Beautiful World...

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/wonderful-world-p1.php

I see trees of green......resonates so well.

Here I stand alone.

The family I thought I had,turned their backs on me.

My husband,a caterer, a party planner, who I helped and devoted myself for years refused and refuses to provide me roof and food.

The man I devoted myself to, for 25 years, our children,influenced by his sister, ,who for years tormented me and tried to separate us she tried to murder my second son,poisoned our lives,achieved her goal.

How could I envisage such a scenario?

One of my husband's cousins years ago, invited us to a play,a story ,maybe by Neil Simon,I cannot remember ,where a Jewish American family ,during the IIWW, was discussing how they did not want their cousins in Europe to come to America,as they would become a burden.

And when that was happening on stage,my husband's cousin turns and looks at me?

I came to the US to work as apolitical cartoonist for the NYTimes OPED,with a green card.

Yes,I suffered a setback,where my career was paralized because I did not play the game.

That was in 1976.

The commonplace and image that Americans have about the world,is that beyond the shores,the rest is bellow the American standards.

So here I arrived to work, an internationally recognized,a legitimate artist, only to fall into a place where ethical standards where absolutely corrupted,rampant drugs and rock and roll.

For many years,having my mother as my dependent,I worked on odd jobs,while freelancing. designing,illustrating for publishing, posters, ads, creating animation for PBS, showing in group shows and never losing my faith that someday,somehow I will prevail.

I persevered.

My art is getting back on its feet

http://www.artslant.com/ny/feeds/show/58059

Hi Marguerita,

I finally found the time to write up a "capsule" post on your terrific body of work. You can find it on Sans Everything here (http://sanseverything.wordpress.com/2009/12/15/banner-image-marguerita/) and on my personal blog here (http://www.iangarrickmason.com/2009/12/capsule-marguerita/); we've also blogrolled your site on both of these blogs, and Sans Everything has banner imaged a detail from your "Blue Experiment" (2008) for a month or two -- this is how we showcase an artist's work for a few weeks after the post itself has scrolled away below.

Thanks so much for dropping us a line, and please do keep in touch!

Best wishes,
Ian

--
Ian Garrick Mason
Blog: http://www.iangarrickmason.com/
Group blog: http://sanseverything.wordpress.com/
Articles: http://www3.sympatico.ca/ian.g.mason/

My dream of having a family together,which I cherished so much,was torn away from me.

To justify my integrity,I am called crazy.

No,I am not crazy.

I never was.

Just a dreamer.

And YES,very intense.

So,Vive la Difference!

As a wonderful friend of mine in Brazil would say, rubbing his hands on his elbow: FARINHA.......(flour dust)

When I achieved success in Brazil,through my drawings for O REBU, I was then tagged as crazy too, because I dared to challenge the TV Globo,to pay me,which they denied on the basis that being a woman, I had no rights and I ruffled the macho gang reigning at the time.

At another case,where the owner of an ad agency for whom I did a number of ad campaigns,my concept and drawings,when we discussed my payment,he got red as a tomato and yelled at me: You earn more moneys with one drawing than a prostituye at La Licorne! a trendy whorehouse in Sao Paulo,ha.

I was 24 years old.

That was in 1974 and 1975.

Now 35 years later TV Globo is airing my artwork,without contacting me to follow through what I am owed.

So being an independent and honest individual,one is faced with challenges that only evil can explain.

My art is my passion,runs in my veins along with my blood.

My intensity which comes from my heart,,as I am called by some" too shiny" is considered "overpowering".

My sons taught by their father ,that they should disrespect me ,because I do not produce money to his satisfaction.

I married for love.

I wanted a family ,because I wanted to share my life,have a companion,dream a dream together.

I was creating a home, and that was trashed.

My children became hostages of outside problems .

Yes,

I am in great pain.

The man I love,the sons I brought to this world,nourished them,gave all of me ,now become my enemies.

Hostile to me,as my views were discredited as they were told that I was not their mother,meaning that the cleaning lady was who brought them up?

To hear my sons like parrots talk to me as I am worthless,because I have not made money in the last years,ignoring the fact that I was there for them full time,guiding them to be strong and face life with the same strength that my parents passed onto me.

My art,my raison d"etre,I put aside to stand by my family.

So now I am discarded and left homeless.

My father's spirit and my mother's spirit will guide me through this challenge.

I know I am not alone.

I believe in my heart,my feelings will prevail,and open all the doors I try to open.

As Confucius says: No Man Should Be An Instrument.

My mother would always remind me: See the cheese not the holes.

My dear Daddy,

I know you are with me.

You died,holding my hand and worried about my future.

Fate has given me a lot of sorrow .

I see forever you bringing me pieces of different materials,producing for me acrylic paints,copper wires to create my mixed media.

As much as my mother wanted me to be a concert pianist,you saw in me as an artist and dreamed that I will become known for my art and spiritual strength.

That I should never succumb or have fear.

That I should have morals and stand up for my rights, carry his and my mother's way of being.

To lead and not be lead.

Thank you Daddy.

I am facing the hurdles and finding support,despite my frightening passages.

The price is high.

The sun will shine again for me.

I promised you not to worry.

My dear Daddy I miss you and Ma so much.

Look over me.

Marguerita

Pensamentos Noturnos 10 1/2 Larmes et LES VISIONS

aquarelle by marguerita

Je me plais a me rappeler encore, en ce moment le lieu,le jour, l'heure ou je concus soudainement, dans ma pensee, le plan de cette epopee de l'ame, de l'ame suivie par le poete dans les peregrinations sucessives et infinies a travers les echelons des mondes et des existences d'epreuves.

Life Arrangementos 1

painting by marguerita
The arrangements of comestibles, crockery and cookware and the occasional piece of fine silver or porcelain imply a humble, folksy lifestyle that appealed to his upper-class clientele. There are no skulls or bugs delivering vanitas-type morals about the ephemerality of earthly existence, and there is no fancy brushwork asserting the painter’s virtuosity.http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/26/arts/design/26mele.html?ref=design

Pensamentos Noturnos 3

drawing by marguerita

Behind a mystery lies a truth. Just do it.

drawing by marguerita
A brain-imaging experiment I conducted in 2006 explains why antismoking scare tactics have been so futile. I examined people’s brain activity as they reacted to cigarette warning labels by using functional magnetic resonance imaging, a scanning technique that can show how much oxygen and glucose a particular area of the brain uses while it works, allowing us to observe which specific regions are active at any given time
.We found that the warnings prompted no blood flow to the amygdala, the part of the brain that registers alarm, or to the part of the cortex that would be involved in any effort to register disapproval.
To the contrary, the warning labels backfired: they stimulated the nucleus accumbens, sometimes called the “craving spot,” which lights up on f.M.R.I. whenever a person craves something, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, tobacco or gambling.
Op-Ed Contributor - Inhaling Fear - NYTimes.com

Brain Pollution and the Real Reason You Shouldn't Use Drugs

Studying the effects of drugs and alcohol on the brain has clearly been one of the most informative and fascinating parts of my work. I had a sense growing up that drugs and alcohol weren't helpful to my overall health. I might add, this notion was helped along by getting drunk on a six pack of Michelob and half a bottle of champagne when I was sixteen years old - I was sick for three days. After that, I've been lucky enough to stay away from drugs and alcohol. After doing this work there's no way you could get me to do marijuana, heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, LSD, PCP, inhalants or any more than a glass or two of wine or beer. These substances damage the patterns in your brain, and without your brain you are not you.

There is really quite a bit of scientific literature on the physiological effects of drug abuse and alcohol on the brain. SPECT Scans have demonstrated a number of abnormalities in substance abusers in brain areas known to be involved in behavior, such as the frontal and temporal lobes. There are some SPECT similarities and differences between the damage we see caused by the different substances of abuse. I'll discuss the differences in drug abuse patterns below. There tends to be several similarities seen among classes of abused drugs. The most common similarity among drug and alcohol abusers is that the brain has an overall toxic look to it. In general, the SPECT Scan studies look less active, more shriveled, and overall less healthy. A "scalloping effect" is common amongst drug abusing brains. Normal brain patterns show smooth activity across the cortical surface. Scalloping is a wavy, rough sea-like look on the brain's surface. I also see this pattern in patients who have been exposed to toxic fumes or oxygen deprivation. My research assistant says that the drug brains she has seen look like someone poured acid on the brain. Not a pretty site.

SPECT can be helpful in evaluating the effects of drugs and alcohol on the brain. On 3D surface brain images, several substances of abuse appear to show consistent patterns. For example, cocaine and methamphetamine abuse appear as multiple small holes across the cortical surface; heroin abuse appears as marked decreased activity across the whole cortical surface; heavy marijuana abuse shows decreased activity in the temporal lobes bilaterally and heavy alcohol abuse shows marked decreased activity throughout the brain. These findings tend to improve with abstinence, although long term use has been associated with continued SPECT deficits seen years after abstinence. SPECT can be helpful in several ways in drug and alcohol abuse. First, 3D surface SPECT brain images of drug and alcohol abusers can be used in drug prevention education. Second, SPECT studies can help break though the denial that often accompanies substance abuse. When one is faced with their own abnormal cerebral perfusion it is hard to remain in denial. Third, SPECT may help evaluate if there is an underlying neuropsychiatric condition that needs treatment.

In our experience, the effects of smoking marijuana use typically cause decreased activity in the posterior temporal lobes bilaterally. The damage can be mild or severe, depending on how long a person used, how much use occurred, what other substances were used (nicotine is a powerful vasoconstrictor) and how vulnerable a particular brain is. For more information see Dr. Amen's article High Resolution Brain SPECT Imaging in Marijuana Smokers with AD/HD, Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, Volume 30, No. 2 April-June 1998. Pgs 1-13.

Notice the study without marijuana shows decreased temporal lobe activity (likely from the chronic marijuana usage), but also patchy increased uptake, especially increased activity in the deep left temporal lobe (often associated with anger, irritability and anxiety). The study with heavy marijuana usage shows marked overall decreased activity, especially in the prefrontal cortex and temporal lobes (associated with attention, memory and motivational problems) but also there is a decrease in the overactive areas noted in the "off marijuana" study.

This scan series argues for the possibility of "self-medication," but unfortunately this medication has the side effect of causing the potential for long term damage to his brain.